MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - An anonymous Mar-a-Lago employee has revealed that Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump is so depressed and miserable that he has taken up smoking. The insider stated that the Orange Whale is smoking four packs of Marlboros e…
CHICAGO, Illinois - (Satire News) - McDonalds makes it a point to always listen to its customers, and many of them have asked that Mickey D's please add a smoking room to their restaurants One smoker Ezra "Smokey" Hopquist from Alligator Nuts, Flo…
SOMEWHERE IN THE UKRAINE - (Satire News) - Traci Diddle, a writer with National Rumblings has been embedded with the US 89th Infantry Regiment in Ukraine since last summer. She has seen the 89ers in action and she notes that they are the bravest f…
Is Sean Penn getting older? Of course, it’s called time and gravity. But are those aspects of science wearing on his mind as well as his body? Oh sure, we all like to condemn people for being different, who doesn’t? We all say one thing and mean…
In 1804, or whenever the hell it was, Ted Turner had his way with Hollywood – and she didn’t even see it coming! He took a lot of old black and white movies and grabbed a box of crayons and started colouring in the lines. This angered many peop…
LDN EN: Ever notice how blind people don't smoke? The Coe & Sterling Tobacco Co. has; they're set to launch an aggressive campaign to get the visually impaired puffing. There are three brands on the horizon: 3rd Eye Blacks: A strong full flav…
CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The Federal Cigar Federation of America has just made an astounding discovery. FCFA Vice-Executive Director Millard F. Willowwiggins, informed the news media that a 36-month research study has shown that a vast majority o…
The Coronavirus has changed many things about modern life, and it's also radically changed the way some of us think. A case in point is one man who has worried about COVID-19 and its frightening implications so much and so often, that he has arri…
If you hear kids talking about ABB, they probably aren’t talking about the latest rap song or internet meme. ABB is slang for a deadly new pastime. Anal-Butt-Boxcar or ABB is the latest fashion. It all started in Eastern Europe, which might as we…
A man who is known to have lung cancer caused by more than 60 years of smoking cigarettes, has been contacted by his local council, who asked if he might be amenable to letting them have some of his tar to fix the potholes in the city's roads. Dav...
LA - Young Andre got a hard lesson in parenting last week after his father, Tré, a member of the Bull Creek Street Gang, caught him smoking fools. On Wednesday night, Andre was out on the town with his boys when one of them suggested they get some...
Desperate to combat rising rates of chronic disease in an increasingly sedentary indoor culture, the Food and Drug Administration has officially classified 'going outside and remaining there for at least 30 seconds' as exercise. "It's something th...
In a dramatic policy reversal, United States President, Donald Trump, instead of banning most flavored e-cigarettes, as he had previously pledged to do, issued a presidential pardon of e-cigarette company JUUL, relieving the vaping company of crimina...
Heeding warnings that sitting is the new smoking, Henry Larkins,, a long-distance truck driver living in Nashville, Tennessee, ditched his habit of smoking cigarettes while sitting on his back porch and now instead smokes while standing up. "I kno...
In a moment of heightened benevolence facilitated in part by an unexpectedly clear and sunny day, Lexi Rourke of Nashville, Tennessee, temporarily abandoned her personal policy of polite but unmistakable censure of users of tobacco and nicotine produ...
Davenport, Iowa. Unlike most professional stress massage therapists who recommend drinking water in order to stay hydrated and physically healthy after intense healing sessions designed to produce muscle relaxation while calming internal tension, Su...
Smoking really isn’t that bad for you and cigarettes may even extend lifespan in certain situations was the big takeaway from a study recently published in the prestigious Personal Choice Journal. The comprehensive study conducted by the Personal...
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