THE FOLLOWING TEXTS WERE COMPILED BY THE SENIOR WRITER FOR TITTLE TATTLE TONIGHT, PICO DE GALLO
Dear Tittle Tattle Tonight – I will invade any country that I want to fucking invade and no country, not America, not England, not Japan, and certainly not that insignificant Asian country Cambodia is going to stop me.
President Vladimir Putin
Moscow, Russia
Dear Vlady – Okay fella. But remember the famous words of Marilyn Monroe, who once said, "Hey you bastard, what goes around comes around."
Pico de Gallo
Tittle Tattle Tonight
Ponchatoula, Louisiana
Dear Tittle Tattle Tonight – I just want to thank you for all of the fantastic publicity that 3T is giving, not only to a has been like me. but also to other has beens such as Madonna, Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus, and Lindsay Lohan.
Britney Spears
Lake Charles, Louisiana
Dear Britney – I am thrilled to get once famous forgotten has beens like all of you back into the limelight, if only for just 3 or 5 days.
Pico de Gallo
3T
Ponchatoula, Louisiana
Hey Tattle Tonight Titties – I am going to ask a real big favor of you. Since that shitty network Fox News is now refusing to even mention my name, and since Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, and even that rodent-looking Greg Gutfeld, have blocked me on their cell phones, I was wondering if you could interview me, so that people; and especially my base do not forget about me.
Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump
The Greatest President in the History of Great Presidents
Mar-a-Lago, Florida
Hey DJT, You lying, racist, motherfucking pussy-grabbing bitch whore. You knew that Karma would come back one day to knock your tiny little orange pee-pee in the dirt, but you thought you were invincible. Well now, even that ugly witch Marjorie Taylor Greene is saying she has never even heard of you. So go slide back under that fucking GOP rock you came from you 337-pound worthless douche bag.
Pico de Gallo
3T
Ponchatoula, Louisiana
Dear Mr. de Gallo – Are you related to the infamous Tijuana prostitute, Ellasinda Pan de Dulce?
LaShandella Merky
Atlanta, Georgia
Dear LaShandella – No bitch, I'm not. But,are you related to that arrogant shit-for-brains, insecure, sobbing, whining slut Kanye West?
Pico de Gallo
TTT
Ponchatoula, Louisiana
NOTE: Pico de Gallo and Tittle Tattle Tonight would like to express their thanks to VP Kamala Harris, Katy Perry, and Tony Romo for helping to compile this list.