DETROIT – (Satire News) – The News Blues News Agency has just broken the story that Trump’s oldest and most favorite daughter did not actually come from his loins.
Writer Velveeta Maracas with NBNA, learned from a highly reliable source that the giraffe-legged, fake blonde was adopted by Donald and Ivanna Trump when she was just 17 hours old.
The unnamed source said that Ivanka’s real mother was a waitress at a truck stop in Joplin, Missouri, and her real father worked at a Joplin tire repair shop.
When Ivanka was told about the discovery, she began crying and yelled out that she now knows why she has always had a strange fascination with tires.
Ivanka’s real name is Penelope P. Piscatino.
When Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump was told that Ivanka was not his real daughter, he got a grin on his face like the Chicago cat that swallowed the Cincinnati canary.
He then replied that now he and Ivanka can legally get married.
[PUBLISHER’S NOTE: The Trumptard is truly one very sick predatorial bitch.]
