Hunter Come Home

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 15 January 2021

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Doggone It

BILLINGSGATE POST: In 1943, the movie Lassie Come Home was released by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. Starring Roddy McDowell and canine actor Pal, it was a story about a Yorkshire boy and his rough collie, Lassie. After her destitute family is forced to sell her, Lassie escapes from her new owner and begins the long journey from Scotland to her Yorkshire home.

This story about Hunter has many parallels to Lassie. Like Lassie, Hunter has a nice pedigree. He went to Georgetown University and received his JD from Yale Law School. Because his family was destitute, he was recruited to the board of Burisma Holdings, one of the largest private natural gas producers in Ukraine. Because the company felt sorry for his plight, they sluiced off around $85,000 a month to poor Hunter so he could feed his family. He was also forced to pocket a paltry $3.5 XXXLarge from the wife of the former mayor of Moscow.

On his wayward journey back home, he hops on Air Force One with his old man and flies to China. There he sets up a joint venture with a Chinese company and discusses how the various partners in the deal could theoretically split up the equity. In the discussion, he makes reference to “the big guy” getting 10 percent of the split.

The big guy said he has not “taken a penny from any foreign source” ever in his life.

Dr. Slim: “Believe it or not, I believe him. He’s no lying, dog-faced pony soldier.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Doggone it. I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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