BILLINGSGATE POST: EGAD FAP! After having his first choice for Secretary of Defense, General Lloyd J Austin III, dumped for being part of the feared Industrial-Military Complex, President-Elect Joe Biden nominated his second choice, Major Amos B Hoople, to fill this important post.
Major Hoople, who has never held a position of this magnitude, is considered a compromise choice. Once known for being an integral part of the last bulwark of defense against the encroaching Bolshevik hordes, he drifted into the fickle fog of obscurity once the Soviet Union fell into the dustbin of history.
Given to lengthy speeches, Major Hoople is known to use near-archaic expressions like “EGAD” and “DRAT”. The Major is often heard mouthing such non-words as “FAP”, “AWP” and “KAFF”. His favored mode of communication is long-winded discourses about his astonishing experiences, mostly lies, that nobody takes seriously; making him the perfect choice for the position because he mirrors the President-Elect.
With these credentials, it is almost a mortal lock that House Speaker Nancy Poozleosi, will proceed with forcing her fellow Democrats to approve of him.
Dr. Slim: "It’s about time that Major Hoople got his chance to dismantle the military."
Dirty: "Yo, Dude. His motto is: 'Smoke this, asshole.'"
