The following text messages were compiled by Pico de Gallo, reporter with Tittle Tattle Tonight. De Gallo was born and raised in Avocado Heights, California. He has published several books on trivia, including his first book, “The Trivia Book of Confusion – Is There a Frontgammon?”
Dear Tittle Tattle Tonight – I just want to let you know that you can stop attacking me, and insulting me, since I am no longer the president’s ass-kissing punk. So please refrain from calling me nasty names like “Moscow Mitch”, “Turtle Face”, and “Ling Ling’s Bitch.”
Mitch McConnell,
Washington, D.C.
Dear “Turtle Face” – I talked to the TTT owners and they said, "Fuck 'Moscow Mitch,'"
Pico de Gallo,
Ponchatoula, Louisiana
Hey Tattlers – I am feeling 73% better. The doctors tell me that they have found the reason for my little erectile dysfunction problem. Keep it between us, but the problem is simply that my tallywhacker no longer whacks.
Rudy Giuliani,
New York City
Dear "Swamp Creature." - TMI.
Pico de Gallo,
Ponchatoula, Louisiana
Dear TITTY – Tank ju tu mush for offering tu me, $2 million tu tells tu ju seekrets about my mudderfocking, womanizing, poosee-grabbing, no-good husbunt, Donaldo. But, as soon as I deeborce hees raceest ass, I'm going tu write a, how ju say eat, a tells-eat-all book. And dunt forgeet tu remember, be best.
Melania Trump (Soon-to-be-the-ex-Mrs. Trump)
Washington, D.C.
Hey Tittles – Why the hell do you keep saying that I'm going to end up in prison? Just who the hell made you the judge, the jury, the bailiff, the court stenographer, and the court jester?
President Donald J. Trump
(The greatest president in the history of Presidents).
Dear Prick Face – This morning I spoke with Warden Sylvester Warhammer, of Sing Sing Federal Prison, and he told me that the brutha’s are already drawing straws to see who gets to be your “Daddy.” Bye Felicia…
Pico de Gallo,
Ponchatoula, Louisiana
