Dewey Defeats Truman (For Realz This Time!)

Funny story written by Stefano M. Stefano

Thursday, 17 December 2020

image for Dewey Defeats Truman (For Realz This Time!)

There's a famous photo from the 1948 U.S. election showing the re-elected President Truman holding up an inaccurate copy of the Chicago Daily Tribune proclaiming 'Dewey Defeats Truman'.

And now the estate of the late Thomas E. Dewey wants to make that a reality.

Motivated by the delusional rantings of the outgoing President Trump (you know, the guy that thinks he won in a landslide, and that he still has a chance to reverse 10 million votes, but the vote was rigged and he lost millions of votes just out of Phoenix, alone), the Dewey estate claims that voter fraud and sneaky-snake tactics from the Democrats in 1948, put the kibosh on the hopes of wannabe presidential nominee Dewey, some 72 years ago.

"We want to correct history!" claimed a representative who isn't named 'Farsnaggle' from the firm of Farsnaggle, Farsnaggle, Farsnaggle, and Jones, the lawyers taking the case to the Supreme Court. "If Trump thinks he can change history this far past the election, what's the difference if it's one month or 72 years and one month?! We want justice! Why would an newspaper create a fake news headline unless it was true? It's even got a fancy name: 'Daily Tribiune', so it must be important!"

Truman won reelection after garnering 303 electoral votes, carrying 28 states, and acquiring 49.6 % of the people on his side. By comparison, Thomas Dewey received 189 votes, 16 states, and 45.1 %. The third contender, Strom Thurmond, got 39 votes, 4 states, and 2.4 %, mostly from people that wanted their president to have a funny, confusing name.

Asked how the vote could be changed so far in the past, since the history books show Truman served the next four years before being succeeded by President Eisenhower, the lawyers replied:

"We'll just guess what Dewey would have done, which was probably the opposite of Truman. We're gonna print all of our revised history on handy, easy-to-stick Post-It notes for quick and efficient alterations in said history books. That'll show those devious, tricky Democrats! Dewey rules!"

It's questionable if the Supreme Court will hear out the case. No word yet on whether or not the estate of Winfield S. Hancock will also fight his defeat in the 1880 presidential election versus James Garfield.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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