Texts To Tittle Tattle Tonight - (12/4/20)

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 3 December 2020

image for Texts To Tittle Tattle Tonight - (12/4/20)
Staci Goldenhorn of El Segundo, California, is a frequent Tittle Tattle Tonight texter.

DONALD TRUMP, KAYLEIGH McENANY, MELANIA TRUMP, RUDY GIULIANI

Dear Tittle Tattle Tonight – Stop referring to me as #Loser. I mean it. I really, really mean it!
-Donald Trump
Your president (at least until 1/20/21)

Dear Donald – Shut the fuck up #Loser, #Asshole, #Soon-To-Be Inmate.

Dear TTT – Is there an opening at your agency for a nice, pretty, sexy press secretary? I can start on January 20, 2021. And I’m willing to dress provocatively if you’d like.
-Kaleigh McEnany

Dear Kaleigh – No, thanks. We at TTT cannot stand lying white extremists. Why don’t you try the KKK? We understand they’re hiring.

Dear Teedle Taddle Tunite – I have bunshez and bunshez of peekchurs of jew-know-who, doing some priddy kingkey chit wiff a rubber doll. Are jew ingtressted?
-Melania Trump
Dee furst lady (4 now)

Dear Melania – Sweetie, is the Atlantic Ocean wet? Do woodpeckers peck? Does your husband lie? Of course WE'RE interested, very much so. Let's meet for lunch…anywhere, your choice, we'll pay.

Dear 3 T – I want you to stop saying that I am the creepiest, ugliest man in America. I mean have you seen Mike Tyson?
-Rudy Giuliani
America’s Lawyer

Dear Rudy – Hey, dude, compared to you, Mike Tyson looks like he could be Nicole Kidman’s identical twin sister.

The above texts were compiled by Tittle Tattle Tonight's senior reporter, Pico de Gallo. De Gallo graduated Summa Cum Okra from The Doc Holliday School of Dentistry, in Tombstone, Arizona. He is presently writing a trivia book titled, 'Why Do Salmon Have To Swim Upstream To Mate - Can't They Screw Where They're At?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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