Dear Tittle Tattle Tonight – Stop referring to me as #Loser. I mean it. I really, really mean it!
Your president (at least until 1/20/21)
Dear Donald – Shut the fuck up #Loser, #Asshole, #Soon-To-Be Inmate.
Dear TTT – Is there an opening at your agency for a nice, pretty, sexy press secretary? I can start on January 20, 2021. And I’m willing to dress provocatively if you’d like.
Dear Kaleigh – No, thanks. We at TTT cannot stand lying white extremists. Why don’t you try the KKK? We understand they’re hiring.
Dear Teedle Taddle Tunite – I have bunshez and bunshez of peekchurs of jew-know-who, doing some priddy kingkey chit wiff a rubber doll. Are jew ingtressted?
Dee furst lady (4 now)
Dear Melania – Sweetie, is the Atlantic Ocean wet? Do woodpeckers peck? Does your husband lie? Of course WE'RE interested, very much so. Let's meet for lunch…anywhere, your choice, we'll pay.
Dear 3 T – I want you to stop saying that I am the creepiest, ugliest man in America. I mean have you seen Mike Tyson?
Dear Rudy – Hey, dude, compared to you, Mike Tyson looks like he could be Nicole Kidman’s identical twin sister.
The above texts were compiled by Tittle Tattle Tonight's senior reporter, Pico de Gallo. De Gallo graduated Summa Cum Okra from The Doc Holliday School of Dentistry, in Tombstone, Arizona. He is presently writing a trivia book titled, 'Why Do Salmon Have To Swim Upstream To Mate - Can't They Screw Where They're At?