Just One Nut Away From Having A Chipmunk In White House

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 12 October 2020

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Chippy Chipmunk

BILLINGSGATE POST: Need it be pointed out that if Sleepy Joe were to be elected president, America would be just one nut away from having a chipmunk (Kamala “Breath” Harris) in the White House.

Not wishing to offend members of the genera Tamias and Eutamias species, it is not only this reporter who has noted the similarity between Harris and the standard, government issue chipmunk. Even Sleepy Joe can’t help himself from sniffing the hair and pinching the cheeks of this effusive rodent.

Speaking of rodents, Harris has admitted to an abnormal fear of mice while eeking out a living as an attorney.

Has anyone noticed how Sleepy Joe sometimes appears bored and somewhat detached? But then again, slack jawed jackals with chicken lips often exhibit this trait.

On another front, Dr. Hannibal Lector, Jr., the son of the late cannibalistic psychiatrist, Dr. Hannibal Lector, spoke before the Board of Taxidermy at their international convention in Bora Bora last week. In his dissertation he described the newest procedures that only Board Certified Taxidermists can use to satisfy the whims of the rich and famous in their quest for narcissistic nirvana.

Noting that the latest trend for yuppies was the "slack jawed jackal" look which makes the subject appear neuroleptic, combined with the puckered "chicken lip" look that movie stars and models seek to make their seductive suckers more sexually attractive to potential suckees, Dr. Lector described to fellow board members how Joe Biden was taxidermally altered so that he could become the man he really loved.

Once more Dr. Billingsgate has gone beyond the boundaries of sanity and ethics to bring you titilating news that, until now, only the New York Times could bring you. In the search for ways to provide even more subjective opinions on the candidates, Billingsgate can only hope to match the MSM in the search for veracity in journalism without the inhibiting burdens of proof.

Slim: “F*ck the chipmunks and slack-jawed jackals! Full speed ahead!”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Sounds like you’re hard-wired for some action.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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