Don’t Diss The Donald

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 7 August 2020

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Don't diss the Donald!

BILLINGSGATE POST: For some, it was the best of times. But for one writer, it was the wurst of times. The fickle wiener of fate had passed her by like a runaway Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. Unable to reconcile a mother’s admonition that “If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your hotdog hole shut,” pissing on Donald Trump became a way to gain approval from like-minded Mumsers.

Even Barack Obama seemed to be offended.

“You would have to be meaner than Michelle to do that. I hear her mom and dad had to tie a porkchop around her neck so the family dog would play with her. That’s mean.”

Even Mr. Warmth, Don Rickles, had this to say about insults: "If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. There is a difference between an actual insult and just having fun."

Moliere, the French playwright, addressed the use of flattery and tolerance in The Misanthrope, a comedy of manners first performed in 1666.

In the play, Alceste, the misanthrope explains to Philinte that he hates mankind because there is so much hypocrisy, deceit, and false flattery in the world, that he can't find a man who will speak the truth openly. He asserts that all people should be completely frank and honest with one another. Philinte asks Alceste to be more tolerant, because it is a part of human nature to flatter other people and to enjoy a certain amount of gossip.

Why is it then, that a man with one orange hair 600 feet long, carefully woven to cover his bald pate, has to suffer for this one cosmetic failure?

The Doctor’s advice to those who take pleasure in dissing The Donald: “Don’t judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins.”....Pocahontas, circa 2019.

Slim: “I thought Rick Blaine said that to Ilsa Lund in Casablanca.“

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I gather that this story ain’t about you.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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