WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - The President has just announced that, due to security reasons, he and two of his top advisers have decided that it would be a great idea to deliver his nomination acceptance speech from the safety of his White House bedroom.
Kellyanne Conway told the assembled White House press that it is not that POTUS is afraid or anything, it’s just that he knows that he probably has about 700 or 800 people who might try and attack him because they are extremely jealous of his amazing one-of-a-kind hairdo.
POTUS noted that he has actually received nine threats to mess up his hair with everything from hand sanitizer to orange-flavored Jello.
Melania said that she is not worried, because she will not be in the White House. She commented that, on nomination night, she plans to be in California visiting her BFF Meghan Markle and the prince.