1. First off, do not believe what that Pelosi woman is saying. I am not losing my hair, nor my mind.
2. Once again, let me be perfectly clear. I do not know, nor I have ever known Jeff Sessions, Michael Cohen, or Adolf Hitler.
3. To my little buddy Roger Stone, you are so welcome pal, and as per our agreement, I will be depositing a very generous donation into your Bank of Americana checking account. Mum's the word.
4. I hope that my female BFF, Kellyanne Conway starts to control her little evil, lying, brat of a daughter. Because I am getting very close to losing my effen temper. And if I do, I will unload on her, and I will reveal some extremely personal things about her daddy and her mommy.
5. Damnit!, I need a Big Mac bad.
6. To the American people. Do not listen to Don Lemon. I did not lose the missile-launching remote. I just simply misplaced it. I know that it’s somewhere in the White House.
7. Melania just found the missile-launching remote. I had left it on top of the toilet lid, while I was taking a shower.