* If I had to pick someone to blame this Chinese Flu on it would have to be Genghis Khan/ He was 91% Chinese. I read once in grade school that he was one of the very first people to suffer from bacteria.
* I want my base and my baseless to know that every word that comes out of Mikey Pence’s mouth was written by me. He just says what I tell him to say.
* I knew that Tommy Brady, my BFF, was going to leave New England and go down to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers because three days before his announcement he told me that he would hook me up with a pair of season’s tickets. And since Melania does not like football I will be taking the ever so lovely Kellyanne (Conway) with me to the games.
* With all of the amazing decisions that I am making during this C-19 crisis I should definitely get the Nobel Peace Prize and if I don’t get it then I will definitely blame Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Mitt Romney, and that little Swedish trouble-making girl Greta Thunberg.
* I will be signing a proclamation into law that will give me a monetary bailout for my beloved Trump Tower so that it does not go bankrupt. And before the Dems start hollering and screaming, that is just one of the hundreds of perks one gets when one is the king, I mean the president.
* And for the last friggin time, I don’t know Stormy Daniels. I have never met her. And I have never seen the tattoo of a pair of red lips that she has tattooed on the left side of her bikini line.