BILLINGSGATE POST: DATELINE GALAPAGOS: The stated goal of the BILLINGSGATE INSTITUTE is to lead the World to a better understanding of the nature of liberalism. With this being the target, the eponymously named Chairman of the INSTITUTE, Dr. Billingsgate, has chosen to carefully guide members of the Board down the tortuous path of politically correct dialogue. But the question of requiring all liberals to voluntarily turn themselves in to clinics for mandatory sterilization has polarized members of this august group.
What to do?
With some members, the issue seems as simple as rounding them up and riding them out as geldings. Other members question the ethics of this measure, and advise caution; not wanting to offend those who believe both liberals and neo-cons have the right to procreate. Obfuscating both lines of thought is the contemptuous middle-of-the-road position, which would allow liberals the option of denouncing the Democratic Party in return for keeping their family jewels.
With passions high, Dr. Billingsgate is hesitant to suggest that there is any possibility of a compromise in the foreseeable future. While yearning for an amicable solution, history tells him that appeasement may buy time, but as Winston Churchill said, "it also buys time bombs."
While this debate receives full coverage in America, Dr. Billingsgate is enjoying life among the Giant Tortoises who habitate the Galapagos. Tipping these reptiles onto their backs being illegal, there is very little entertainment available, other than watching the ubiquitous bats divebombing the white rocks of the islands, splattering them with the same green, putrescent guano that is scraped up and sold to fund our noble cause.
Slim: “We should have never let the sum bitch go back to his cave.”
Dirty: ”Yo, Dude. The bastard is smoking that wacky tabacky again.”
NOTE: To avoid the Coronavirus, I have taken up residence in my cave in the Galápagos Islands. Until further notice, future stories will be generated from there.