Bloomberg-Hillary ticket answer to Bernie revives Pelosi and the Democrats

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Monday, 17 February 2020

image for Bloomberg-Hillary ticket answer to Bernie revives Pelosi and the Democrats
Wall Street is responding favorably to the Bloomberg-Clinton possibility

Today, Ms. Pelosi has announced that impeaching Mr. Trump should be put aside, and the Democratic Party should return to problems of health care and income for ordinary people.

Fitting nicely into this new scheme, is the proliferating rumor that Mr. Bloomberg is considering Hillary Rodham Clinton as his running mate.

A burst of enthusiasm took the banking industry with this development.

Ms. Clinton has dismissed this possibility with, “Well, that's not going to happen.”

This statement, however, was observed emitting from the right-side of her mouth, and followed (from the same right-side of her mouth) with, “I'll never say never, because I believe in serving my country.”

Mr. Bloomberg has said he is focused on “debate and the primaries,” particularly Super Tuesday coming up.

That he has not yet entered a debate, may change in the future if DNC rules can be bent to allow somebody on the platform with no significant record of contributions, except for those from his own billionaire pocket.

Ms. Clinton is renowned for giving speeches to bankers where, from that same right-side of her mouth, she promised her cooperation with their interests.

She is reputed to have earned $675,000 per speech in these consultations.

From the left-side of her mouth, however, to audiences with less substantial funds, Ms. Clinton indicated she would look into reform and progressive issues.

Critics of Ms. Clinton have noted she was also busy running the DNC in 2016 to assure her nomination as presidential candidate.

All in all, Democrat forces are feeling some relief in Washington that Mr. Sanders might perhaps be slowed down in his increasing momentum to win the nomination this time around.

A probe has been put out that Mr. Sanders would “ruin the economy,” by ex-CEO Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sachs Corporation.

Mr. Blankfein has so far not clarified which economy might be ruined, however.

Assistance in education, health care, housing, and infrastructure, as indicated by Mr. Sanders, is evidently not Mr. Blankfein's focus.

Maintaining a favorably low tax rate for the very wealthy, and advancing the military budget, is more likely Mr. Blankfein's thinking on preserving the economy, according to anonymous sources.

Mr. Bloomberg, meanwhile, has dismissed all these concerns.

“Look, as to my stop and frisk policies, let's move on. Preserving the status quo of our magnificent system is far more important than allowing a rogue socialist into the office.”

“Another FDR he may be, but FDR is no longer popular.”

“Ms. Clinton, on the other hand, is on record with her dedication to the economy and serving the financial elite. Er--did I say the financial elite? No, no, no. I meant serving the people of this great nation!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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