Secret audio emerges on Bloomberg re non-disclosure agreements

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 23 February 2020

image for Secret audio emerges on Bloomberg re non-disclosure agreements
These NDA applicants were waiting their turn in the outer office

Presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg was on the hot seat in this week's debate in Nevada, over his numerous non-disclosure agreements.

The non-disclosure agreement (NDA) is a tool of the Bloomberg administration to avoid unsavory criticism of his behaviors and the work environment, particularly from female employees.

Cash is exchanged for the buttoned-up lip, so that an exiting female employee will not expose discriminatory comments, insults, groping, etc.

Wednesday's Nevada debate showed Candidate Elizabeth Warren repeatedly attacking Bloomberg on this matter, while he avoided specifics.

But today, new audio has emerged from an anonymous source. It features Mr. Bloomberg in a non-disclosure closing session with one of his female employees.

Mr. Bloomberg was not aware a recorder was operative directly underneath his chair.


B: What did you say your name was again?

T: It's Trayvay, Mr. Bloomberg.

B: Well, Fayvee, baby, you should be happy I'm here with you instead of dealing with one of my lawyers.

T: Sir, you are breathing on me.

B: Relax, what's the problem here? The money isn't good enough? And forget about that joke I was telling you on the rose petals and the vagina.

T: If you don't mind, I am trying to read this NDA here!

B: How do they compare?

T: Sir, your hand, sir!

B: Well, take your time, and sit here sweetly, darlin', which you certainly are today.

T: “Pursuant to” . . . “the interests of total compliance” . . . “paragraph d, clause 6 below” . . . Sir, your hand, sir! It does not belong there either!

B: How about my knee then? I mean sitting on it.

T: Sir, I'm thinking about getting up and going to Rolling Stone with my story, including right now, if you don't let up on me, and let me read this NDA here!

B: Oh, my god, isn't this just like a woman though? Wants to have it all: the men crawling, the money, plus dandling themselves in the male face continually, as though there can be no consequences.

T: I see here it says there will be consequences for any violations of this contract.

B: You better believe it, honey. Mouth shut! is the basic rule. Bucks for Boners Program.

T: That finger on my knee, sir, is in danger of a karate chop?

(Peculiar thizzing-fizzing noise indicates audio device failing at this point.)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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