Balimmoral Castle, Scotland - (Rotters): His Roil Highness Prince Jeffrey Epstein was inaugurated into the Most Ancient and Noble Order of the Gutter** in a lavish royal Scottish ceremony according to investiture documents published this weekend.
Held in 2001 at Queen Elizardbirth’s private Hellfire Chape,l the inauguration saw Schlepstein don ermine and peacock feathers for the traditional two-hour ritual, witnessed by the Order’s grand masters including ex-Us President George H W Bush.
Footage of the evening’s entertainment shows two hundred pre-pubescent dancing girls parading rhinestone swimsuits for the new Knight’s undoubted pleasure as well as that of his motley crew.
Notable supporters included at least one Pope, four Ayatollahs and assorted Colombian pharmaceutical traders who bankrolled the historic proceedings in lieu of the customary fee.
Commenting on the deceased royal elevation, a royal flunky said to Spoof website reporters, ‘What garbage’.
More investiture coverage is available elsewhere on the site.
** Motto: Honi Soit Qui Mal Y Penis (Honest To God He’s Got A Bad Penis)