How Slim Everdingle Gave James Comey The Quasimodo Shuffle: Part 1

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Saturday, 31 August 2019

image for How Slim Everdingle Gave James Comey The Quasimodo Shuffle: Part 1
Studebaker

BILLINGSGATE POST: The metronomic ticking of the time bomb that would provide kaleidoscopic evidence that the FBI was colluding with the Russians was forcing Special Agent Slim Everdingle into making a virtual Hobson’s Choice; whether to go with his first impulse or wait until a better one flashed before his unbelieving eyes.

Nights of solitary stake-outs in his refurbished 1951 Midnight Black Studebaker Champion had taken its toll on Slim. Although he was over six feet tall, squeezing into the Champion was worth it because it made surreptitious surveillance seem like child's play. A staple among spies for generations because of its unusual design, the casual observer would have had a problem determining whether the Studebaker was coming or going; a plus for spies like Slim.

Watching Russians passing Hamiltons to unscrupulous double agents hired by the FBI to undermine the election of President Trump was boring to Slim. That’s why his only solace was stuffing Dunkin Donuts down his pie hole while reeling off popcorn farts that clouded the windows of his retro spy mobile. His drive-along partner, Detrick “Dirty Tricks” Detwiler, had ample reason to engage in counter attacks of equally destabilizing flatulence that reeked more of sulfur than of limburger cheese.

Slim had the FBI to fear more so than the Russians. He could trust the Russians to keep their end of the bargain. But the FBI under James Comey posed a more immediate threat to Slim. He knew that they had wired the President's albino raccoon hairpiece; something that the Secret Service was not aware of. Knowing that if he revealed this, Special Counsel Robert Mueller might try to link him to the mysterious disappearance of James Hoffa, Slim had to be extra circumspect.

Meanwhile, the chirping of the cicadas in the Elm tree under which he was parked, warned him that he was not alone. Even though they only appeared every seven years, the fact that this was the fifth year made the hairs on the back of his neck prickle....

Slim: “I love this f**king intrigue.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. You were born for this sh*t.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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