Chapped Lips? Try Dr. Billingsgate’s New Bat Guano Formula

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 5 August 2019

image for Chapped Lips? Try Dr. Billingsgate’s New Bat Guano Formula

BILLINGSGATE POST: Remarkably, after years of experimenting with natural ingredients, ranging from chicken manure to cannabis, Dr. Billingsgate has discovered an extract that will make all other salves and lotions obsolete.

Working out of his isolated cave in the Galapagos, where, for years, he collected bat guano, the abstract mind of the doctor observed the comings and goings of thousands of bats, and occasionally, the perambulations of the Giant Tortoise.

Unable to successfully mate the two variant species to create the first flying Tortoise, he resolved himself to solve one of life’s most troubling problems: chapped lips.

Although having intermediate success with the aforementioned chicken doo-doo, his research was limited to finding subjects who would willingly smear the stinky stuff on their lips. None other than Slim Everdingle volunteered. His observation after two months of use:

Slim: “I don’t know if it helped cure my chapped lips, but it sure made me stop licking them.”

Dirty: Yo, Dude. Your wife would kiss your dog on the lips, but wouldn't drink from the same cup you used.

BTW: The new bat guano chap stick will be coming out in December. The name of the product: YOUR LIPS OR MINE.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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