BILLINGSGATE POST: This morning, in a display of chutzpah that defied transcendental reality, President Trump descended out of a cloud like an existential chimera. Something was different about him. On the lawn outside the White House, just before boarding his helicopter this morning, he was asked why his skin and albino raccoon hairpiece had a purple tint, rather than the usual colors that have been his trademark; white and saffron, respectively.
“I have been unfairly accused by Democrats of hate and bigotry for being white. I can feel their pain, big league.”
“That will end as of now. No more white. No more pain.”
“I have here before me an Executive Order that directs every man, woman and child, unfortunately born white, whether straight, gay or trans, to be dyed purple. As you can see, I will lead from the front. There will be no exemptions. In the next few days, purple dye centers will be set up in every city in America. Henceforth, all men who have been created less than equal, will now be driving in the same lane as white supremacists. Only now, they won't know it."
Reporter: "Why did you choose purple?"
Trump: "I read in Joseph Heller's novel, Catch 22, that Dr. Daneeka told his staff to paint the gums of malingerers with Gentian Violet. Anyone who reported sick with a temperature of less than 102 was to be given a laxative and have their gums painted purple."
Slim: "I wonder if the President's order includes all body parts?"
Dirty: "Yo, Dude. I hope your wife likes purple peckers."