Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 14 January 2019

image for Slim Everdingle Raids FBI HQ: Snaps Compromising Photos Of Comey And Mueller
WTF?

BILLINGSGATE POST: In what Sean Hannity describes as the most audacious attack on the FBI since Baby Face Nelson in 1934, Slim Everdingle and his faithful companion, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler, broke into the offices of former FBI Directors James Comey and Robert Mueller.

"Dirty, don't you just love this shit?"

"Can't wait to see those bastards prancing around in their feather boas and high-heel Converse All-Stars."

"I mean this is surreal, Dirty. Just me and you fighting the whole FBI. It don't get no better than that."

Posing as Russian hookers in drag, Slim and Dirty, walked into the Hoover Building like they owned the joint. Telling the receptionist that they were the Russian prostitutes who peed on Donald Trump's bed in the Moscow hotel, they said they had the pictures to prove it.

In the infamous Micheal Steele dossier that was paid for by Hillary Clinton, the hookers were described as "Urinater 1" and "Urinater 2" . Their real names were Urina 1 and Urina 2. That was only the first of many coincidences.

To be sure, and it has been stated many times, 99.6% of FBI agents are as pure as the fresh driven snow. It's only the ones who occupy the top floor who seem to go bad. Comey and Mueller are evidence of that. Early ripe. Early rotten.

Working their way up to the top floor, Slim and Dirty didn't know what to expect. Their goal was simple. They wished to check out the J Edgar Hoover Memorabilia Room and take some photos. A small room the size of a walk-in closet, their research showed that this was where Hoover's feather boas, high-heel sneakers, dresses and capes were stored.

It wasn't a coincidence that they chose this day to pull off the photo shoot. On January 2, 1920, Hoover's division of the Bureau of Investigation carried out simultaneous raids in major cities, arresting thousands of the suspected Commie-pinko bastards. To celebrate this day, senior FBI officials dress up in old Hoover outfits.

It was this obsession with Hoover's fashion that drove Comey to suspect that Trump was colluding with the Russians. And that is why he went after Trump with such unjustifiable fury.

"Ain't that Mueller? Looks like a spavined cockroach wearing that old feather boa?"

"What the f**k is Comey wearing, Slim? That sumbitch must be seven feet tall with those high-heel pumps."

"Knarly, Dirty. Almost turns me on. He looks great in that pink ruffled tulle with satin shrugs. Classic."

"We gotta get some pictures, Slim."

"That be what we be here for, Dude."

"Snap them, Danno."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more