Second anniversary of “The Russians did it” leads to brawl in the newsroom

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 5 January 2019

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Two years ago, on January 6, 2017, major intelligence agencies in the US announced “assessments” that the Russians had "interfered with" the 2016 election.

These assessments bore the caveat they were only estimates, meaning they were guessing, but the MSM took to broadcasting “alleged interference” as fact.

Yesterday at a major news studio the three principals in the assessments gathered on whether they maintained their earlier positions.

On January 6, 2017, Mr. Clapper gave a “moderate” estimate, aka a “probable,” but revealed that, as of today, his estimate had sunk to a “possible or maybe.”

This drops “moderate” more toward "low", and 1 point or a D if this effort were being graded in a normal classroom.

Mr. Brennan then responded with a tapping foot, and some profanities, plus some physical behavior (shoving and tripping), all of which had to be scrubbed carefully for the evening broadcast.

He also (somewhat screaming) stated that his estimate had raised from “high” (4.0) back in 2017 to a “no damn doubt!” (A+ or 4.5)

Mr. Comey, who estimated at “high” two years ago came on with something else:

“Well, true, the FBI did not investigate anything at the time, because we were relying on Ms. Clinton’s intelligence service. So I mean anything’s possible . . .”

At this point Mr. Brennan glared severely.

“Plus, we didn’t know the Steele dossier was created and paid for by the Clinton forces at that time so . . . Look, I owed her a favor!”

After serious negotiations, the news studio would only reluctantly disclose what happened next.

In the next moments, cameras crashed to the floor as a melee ensued.

Nonetheless, what had emerged was the collective score in 2017 (4 + 4 + 2 @3.4, nearly a B plus) had in 2019 sunk to (1 + 1 + 4.5 @ 2.25--basically a C).

A news analyst then brought forth what we know so far.

Note: Mueller's objective: find interference in the 2016 election directly from Moscow (Putin).

Sundry other concerns, such as illegal business infractions etc. do not specifically pertain to the question and remain just that--sundry.

*General Flynn’s erratic memory/perjury with Russian diplomat Sergei Kisylyak on possibly reducing sanctions.

*Manafort and Cohen prison terms for infractions in making Russian business deals.

*Trump’s possibly ordering payoff hush money via Cohen to two women after the deadline for such deals when he became a presidential candidate.

*Russian NGO people running ads in social media (including after the election) at $100,000 dollars cost versus the millions spent by the presidential candidates.

*Indictment of 12 Russian security agency personnel (on what charge not clear) who are not available for questioning. Mr. Putin has invited US interrogators to visit Moscow and question them there.

Following this recital Mr. Brennan snorted three times, Mr. Comey bowed his head with eyelids fluttering, and Mr. Clapper muttered something about The LUT principle.

The LUT principle is defined as official announcements that are “the least untruthful truth,” an original practice by Mr. Clapper regarding keeping the American people informed.

“On the LUT I honestly just have to go with maybe, possibly,” he reiterated. “Or I could be misleading.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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