Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 6 January 2019

image for Mueller To Trump: “Dont Call Me Flyface.”
Flyface

BILLINGSGATE POST:. Newsworthy or not, has a sitting president ever called the man charged with investigating him such a despicable name? I think not. “Flyface” connotes an image of incredible filth and ugliness. Notwithstanding the fact that Robert Mueller was so ugly as a child that he had to tie a porkchop around his neck so the family dog would play with him, why would President Trump hang the moniker, Flyface, on him?

A little history: The original Flyface was an attorney named Felixweather Limpp. He had light hair and a wrinkled face. He was heavy-set, and typically wore a bow tie and a sweater vest. He had poor personal hygiene, which resulted in his face being constantly surrounded by a swarm of flies.

Flyface dropped out of high school at the end of his freshman year when he met Willie the Fifth. At that point, his life changed completely. As a member of Willie the Fifth’s gang, he did time in prison. While behind bars, he studied law and subsequently became Willie’s consigliere upon his release. At this point, the lives of Flyface and Mueller diverge. Mueller went on to become FBI Director. Flyface chose a more admirable life; that of advising Willie the Fifth on how to beat the law.

Years later, Flyface claimed that he had been working for the FBI, and therefore was immune from prosecution for his previous crimes. Flyface had taken to wearing a portable electric Bug-Zapper around his neck, but was still beset by flies hovering around his face.

Fifth: “Flyface, do you HAVE to wear that Bug Zapper?”

“It kills the nasty pests, Fifth. And don’t call me Flyface.”

And that is why Robert Mueller doesn’t like it when President Trump calls him Flyface.

NOTE: This story would not have been possible without the collaboration of Dick Tracy and anonymous sources within the FBI. Excepting Mueller, all names were changed to protect the innocent.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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