Washington AC/DC - (Spotty Ass Mess): A distinctive birth mark, potentially a mole, has been discovered on the naked buttocks of a Russian selfie in Robert Mueller’s ongoing Pootin Probe.
The move comes after last week’s FBI seizure of data item millions in a dawn raid on Bloodyvostock trolls.
“G-Men are deploying cutting-edge faecal recognition technology to nail the asshole,” a federal spokesperson explained this morning, as news of the breakthrough raged on the net.
Authorities suspect the ‘little shit’ to be a Bolshevik double agent who’s sitting pretty at a Lubyanka groomers, where he’s enjoying Jamal Khashoggi-style ‘Turkish baths’ with Rump Tower hackers.
And crafting Novichok Martinis for his expat pals.
Commenting on the latest update a White House attorney poured scorn on the findings:
“There’ll be hell to pay, when Melania finds out.”