Row vs. Wayne - Just the facts!

Funny story written by Milo Malkavic Mendoza

Friday, 24 December 2010


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You know I get asked all the time - "David how can we stop these murderers from killing our babies before they're bored" - and I say I don't know but I believe in protection of everyone from 'womb to tomb' if you know what I mean. So I guess the only way to change the mind of these high and mighty, liberal thinkers is to give them the facts and how it would affect their oh so perfect lives. Being a veteran reporter with 25 years experience I decided to put my talents to work and do some digging. Here's what I found:

FACT: If the Continental Congress would over turn Row versus Wayne leading economists say that everybody would see their income rise 12% within 888 hours or 37 days!

FACT: If the Continental Congress wouldn't of passed Row verses Wayne in the 18 hundreds the internal combustion engine would have been produced by 1900 which would mean we would be flying around like the Jetsens by now instead of still paying the Rag Heads for the privilege to drive around in our Buick's and Chevy's. I don't drive - I ride a bike - but if I could drive it would piss me off.

FACT: If the Continental Congress would have not passed Row versus Wayne in the early 1800′s more members of the highly regarded Association for Doctors that Really Care about Civilization AMA, MD, LRD say they would have had time to cure cancer and perfect limb reattachment surgery instead they had to perform all these abortions which took time from study work and frankenstein kind of experiments.

FACT: If Row vs. Wayne bill wouldn't have been passed in the late eighteen hundreds we would have won the Vietnam War because we would have had 318,000 more soldiers and everybody knows that Vietnam was just a numbers game and the distinguished General Billy White-Right explained to me there was so many Viet Cong it was like fighting an anthill with fly swatter. If you know what I mean.

FACT: If Row vs. Wayne bill would have failed to have been passed by the Continental Congress in the late 1800′s the price of my smokes would be about $1.30 instead of $5 a PACK! This information was provided to me by small business owner Jack Aspen at Indian John's Smoke Shop who says he read it in a monthly publication that smoke shack owners like him get monthly. But really can you not figure out the math on this one??

In summation the facts prove out that abortion is a bad, bad deal. We would have more money, drive jet packs, not have to worry about dying from cancer, not have to worry about accidentially sawing off a finger or hand, been winners in that God forsaken Vietnam bullshit, and not have to be raped every time we want to buy a pack of smokes. The math and the quality of life just works. Figure it out people stop killing the babies!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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