Muggers to pay VAT on loot

Funny story written by Deafo

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

image for Muggers to pay VAT on loot
'You're gonna have to cover my VAT on the iphone'

Convicted muggers are to be charged VAT at the recommended retail price of the items that have been stolen during the offence, the government is set to announce.

Under the plans mugging victims will be obliged to produce receipts for the stolen property to enable VAT calculations to be levied against the criminal or risk being prosecuted for obstructing a tax investigation.

Scotty 'Scott' Thomas, a career criminal, expressed his reservations at the changes saying, 'in all but the rarest of instances, the VAT applied to the bounty will be in excess of the monies the criminal received from the sale. People exploit us. They know we're desperate and this is just another example of the mistreatment we experience day to day. If these plans are to go ahead then what these muggers are stealing is basically a shed load of debt, which will of course bring them back out on to the streets to forage for cash.'

Met Police Chief Sir Paul Stevenson was similarly concerned and thought the move could lead to more serious crimes.

'There is a very real chance that these muggers will try to locate the residence of the victim and burgle them to obtain the receipts, creating a whole new sub-culture of crimes. This could then leave these people facing prosecution for obstructing the tax investigation which is quite frankly preposterous. They should be taken straight to prison where they could serve out their sentence.'

The scheme will be implemented in January 2011 alongside the rise in VAT from 17.5% to 20%.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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