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President Trump Unleashes Nuclear Strikes on Planned Parenthood

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a devastating and unbelievable development, President Donald Trump has struck every abortion clinic and Planned Parenthood center in the United States with nuclear weapons. "THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!" Trump...

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Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness: “Those Pro-Lifers Are Out of Their Damned Minds”

NEW SHEOTH, THE SHIVERING ISLES – Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, invited news reporters from MSNBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, Comedy Central, TBS, HBO, The Onion, and The Spoof to attend a press conference in New Sheoth, Sheogorath's home in the Shivering Isles. According to Tamriel lore, Sheogorath has spent countless millennia interfering with the lives of mortals, with acts ranging from mak...

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Leprechaun abortion parties to end in Ireland

Funny story: Leprechaun abortion parties to end in Ireland

For many years, remote villages in Ireland have held a dark secret. It is illegal for a human doctor to perform an abortion, but there is no law against leprechauns carrying out the dangerous operation. Two or three times a year in each village, hidd...

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Trump calls for foetuses to be armed to prevent abortions

Funny story: Trump calls for foetuses to be armed to prevent abortions

President Donald Trump has made another policy announcement without consulting his advisors. It is an idea which tries to solve two key issues that Republicans are passionate about - guns and abortions. The US President said that a gun company in...

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"An Immodest Proposal: Leak of Sensitive Document"

An unidentified source working for a junior congressperson in the Capitol building has provided this reporter with an addendum to the American Healthcare Act. The full text is given below: H.R. xxxxxx-An Addendum to the American Healthcare Act...

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Jesus and the No-So-Immaculate Conception

Funny story: Jesus and the No-So-Immaculate Conception

Since coming out of retirement earlier this year to manage the End Times, Jesus has branded himself as a regular fixture on the club-and-bar scene, drawing attention with his wild drinking and his late-night romps with females and some males who simp...

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Hillary leads Trump in dead fetuses and dead people

Funny story: Hillary leads Trump in dead fetuses and dead people

New York, NY - The Clinton News Network (CNN) announced today that the election is over, called for Hillary. According to CNN television reporting, early voting by late term aborted fetuses and deceased adults, all of whom died just after voting...

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The South Rises Again? South Carolina Votes to Leave European Union

Funny story: The South Rises Again? South Carolina Votes to Leave European Union

Following a hotly contested statewide referendum, South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley sent shock waves through international economies when she announced that South Carolina citizens, by a margin of over eighty-six percent, had voted to secede from t...

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Who's The Dumbest Republican Contest - Top 10 Political Quotes

Funny story: Who's The Dumbest Republican Contest - Top 10 Political Quotes

After readers voted on "Who's The Dumbest Democrat?" contest held by N.S. News & World Report and chose Joe Biden for saying "Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya." to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008," U.S. News is holding the "Who's The Dumbest Republican" contest. Readers are asked to base their votes on the following quotes: "They'r...

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Arizona School Board May Burn Science Books

Funny story: Arizona School Board May Burn Science Books

GILBERT, Ariz. - A biology textbook, widely used in the state, has come under attack by a suburban school board in Gilbert. The school board has voted to exise or redact two pages in the book -544 and 545 -because they discuss sexually transmitted d...

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Anti Abortion Activists Express Outrage Over Aborted Landing At Barcelona Airport

Funny story: Anti Abortion Activists Express Outrage Over Aborted Landing At Barcelona Airport

Washington D.C. - The Susan B. Anthony List (SBA List), an organization whose stated purpose is "Advancing Pro-Life Leadership", has released a strongly-worded statement condemning the recent aborted landing by a 767 jetliner at Barcelona's El Prat A...

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U. S. Bureau of Land Management wants to convert horses into horsemeat

Faced with a financial downturn and possible bankruptcy, the U. S. Bureau of Land Management, which manages not only land, but also wild horses, burros, rattlesnakes, jackrabbits, skunks, porcupines, armadillos, and a number of other "wildlife resour...

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"Patrol Militia" Hunts Abortion Doctors In South

Funny story: "Patrol Militia" Hunts Abortion Doctors In South

Meredith Calhoun, known also as "Pistol Packing Mama" of Rapides, LA held a news conference here along with J. Burnside, Elisha Worthington, Joseph A.S. Acklen, and others who are members of the so-called "Louisiana Patrol Militia." Some 16 men and...

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Cardinal Baloney Addresses Abortion and Contraception

Funny story: Cardinal Baloney Addresses Abortion and Contraception

Catholic clergy and institutions have responded to the ACLU lawsuit against the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops over denial of "proper health care." The case involves a catholic hospital in Muskegon, which turned away a pregnant mother...

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Personhood USA Wants to Charge Mother Nature with Crimes Against Humanity

Funny story: Personhood USA Wants to Charge Mother Nature with Crimes Against Humanity

ARVADA, CO-Personhood USA, the lobbying group that believes the rights of a five-day old blastocyst trump those of the mother carrying it, is calling for charging Mother Nature with crimes against humanity for the spontaneous abortions of millions of...

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Conservative Science

We expect science to build upon the past. Aristotle to Watson and Crick. Archimedes through Newton to Einstein, and beyond. Some vestigial artifacts seem to slip through time. A woman of my acquaintance, with a master's degree in education, refused to hang washing on her clothesline during pregnancy. She believed there was a danger of the umbilical cord wrapping around the neck of the fetus...

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Texas Prohibits Pet Neutering

Funny story: Texas Prohibits Pet Neutering

Austin, Tex. - On Friday, the Texas Senate passed one of the strictest anti-abortion measures in the country. Gov. Rick Perry is expected to sign the bill after a Democratic filibuster blocked its passage last month. Buried in the bill is a provision...

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Texas Republicans: Storks Bring Babies

Funny story: Texas Republicans: Storks Bring Babies

AUSTIN TX (AP) In addition to passing controversial abortion legislation, the Republican ruled Texas house of representatives added two new amendments just prior to the final vote. Learning from North Carolina, there was no debate. Both amendment...

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