MANHATTAN - (Satire News) - Melania Trump and Stormy Daniels both agree that on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being high and 1 being low, "Baby Fingers" Trump barely registers a 1, and that he's not exactly a champion in the "wink-wink" department.
Melania revealed that her ex-husband's idea of foreplay was showing her pictures of himself in his tighty-whities, while Stormy reported that Trump liked to have her whisper in his ear that he was "not a bad hombre."
Stormy revealed, "He would curl up like a baby armadillo and blubber uncontrollably, while I petted his combover and cooed that the meanies who called him a prejudiced, xenophobic, tax-dodging potato were just jealous of his stunning orange glow."
According to Melly, as she is affectionately known by her boyfriend "LeBron the Lion," Donald has a birthmark on his butt that looks like a cheeseburger, while Stormy says he also has a birthmark on his undercarriage which resembles a Nazi swastika.
Both ladies concur that Trump's sexual skills are about as impressive as a sneezing chihuahua.
SIDENOTE: Stormy Daniels recently disclosed to Tittle Tattle Tonight writer Pico de Gallo that Trump enjoyed being pegged while wearing a bright pink tutu and singing "I'm a Little Teapot."
