OKLAHOMA CITY - (Spoof News) - The man who's practically counting down the seconds until he hears the slam of a jail cell door was in OKC for a GOP rally, which, if estimates are correct, was attended by a whopping 17-19 people.
The portly fellow, lovingly referred to as "Old Thunder Hips," is reportedly confident that he'll be able to bribe his way out of prison in 20 minutes or less. Yeah, good luck with that.
But things took a turn for the worse when he was pelted in his orange face with a pink paintball fired from an NRA spray paint gun. The Nazi-loving guy reportedly brushed it off and claimed that he'd make Houdini look like a little girl scout when he inevitably ends up behind bars.
Democrats and even some Republicans have taken to calling him "Moby Trump" due to his humongous weight. The guy's so massive that he's convinced there isn't a prison in the nation that can hold his fat ass body (his actual words).
According to information guru Andy Cohen, the "Orange He-Whore" will be thrown into the general population at Sing Sing Prison, where he'll be bunking up with convicts who are members of the BLM movement, GOP Haters of America, and the Hombres Cartelicos de Guatemala. Ouch.
Let's just say things aren't looking good for this guy. But hey, at least he'll have a great story to tell... assuming he ever makes it out alive.
