NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) - An insider has revealed that the New York City district attorney's office is saying that the Pied Piper of The Potomac (Trump) has about as much chance of getting arrested as a fish has of riding a bicycle.
The rumor mill is churning out that the Trumpturd is in deep trouble, and his goose is cooked - it's so cooked, it's crispy!
Even those who once drank the Trump Kool-Aid are now turning to Gov. Ron DeSantis as their last hope, with Ted "Dracula" Cruz, Nikki "Duh" Haley, and Marco "The Dummy" Rubio all being written off as hopeless causes.
Meanwhile, some pundits are suggesting that Cindy McCain, the widow of the late Sen. John McCain, could be the next GOP presidential candidate.
Rumor has it that Cindy is loaded, owning a large beer distributorship in Arizona, a massive cruise ship docked in Galveston, Texas, a 90% stake in a baseball farm club in Oklahoma, and even her own line of glow-in-the-dark birth control diaphragms called Cindy's Light-Up Love Shields. ■
