Strange how, after Mar-A-Lago got raided by the feds, on TV one did not see Donald Trump Junior, but Eric Trump. Why Eric? A man who doesn’t seem to have much exposure on television or anywhere else – maybe ‘cuz daddy keeps him in the basement of Mar so he doesn’t offend anyone or say things or touch stuff – goddamn it, Eric, get your nose out of there!
Speaking of noses … reports from unidentified sources (possibly in the mailroom, the maid service, the chauffeur – or maybe the butler did it!) have been coming in asking the question why Junior didn’t get on TV and blah blah blah about how much of a martyr his father is. But now there are “answers”.
“He was doing some coke and also getting rid of some coke cuz he thought the FBI would take his coke stash – he don’t care if they find it cuz his daddy says Rudy or one of the other lawyers will get Junior off from a coke charge – but you can’t take cocaine from an addict and not get your hand bit! I know! The chollo bit me!”
Other reports have said that Melania was trying to get her old passport back, plus she has booked flights for herself and Barron on a private jet heading to an undisclosed location, possibly a deserted island where she won’t be recognized. It is rumored that she has been skimming money from the family funds and putting money into several offshore bank accounts around the world. So, essentially, her plane can land anywhere, and she’ll have money waiting for her to live quietly and anonymous … just like Jackie O.
But the final consensus was that very few of the Trump Klan (and even some commentators from Fox news … Tucker? Where’d you go? Shredding documents? Erasing text messages, emails, phone calls, fingerprints? The Maga Maniacs are scrambling for cover since OMG if Donny Boy can get busted, anybody can! Now that’s white privilege!) will ever be seen on TV again until more FBI are called in, with a fuck load of zip strips and handcuffs and tasers in case things get too ugly when the Trumps are making that long walk into a paddy wagon …
