BILLINGSGATE POST:
NOTE: To protect the innocent, this story has been vetted and found credible by both Snopes and Quasimodo Veritas.
In a just released blockbuster interview that details how a potential apocalypse was averted, FBI Director Christopher Wray told an incredulous George Staphylococcus why his storm troopers invaded the Mar-a-Lago home of Donald Trump. As audacious as it sounds, it was the albino raccoon hairpiece gifted to President Trump by Vladimir Putin that predicated this raid.
With obvious pride, Wray described to Staphylococcus how the outmanned and outgunned hairpiece of President Trump surrendered to FBI Storm Troopers early yesterday morning. With an audacious mix of chutzpah and downright arrogance, Director Wray related how the combined FBI and Justice Department strike force completed its mission without firing a shot.
According to him, the agents were prepared for resistance. Armed to the teeth, with automatic weapons equipped with night vision scopes, dozens of camouflaged FBI goombahs wearing raccoon-proof vests, emerged from armored attack vehicles outside Trump’s residence at Mar-a-Lago.
“The sun had yet to rise. Darkness was their friend,” said the grim Director.
Roger Stone: “WTF. It was Deja vu all over again.”
Not since Attorney General Janet Reno ordered the Waco siege of a compound belonging to the Branch Davidians in 1993, has there been such a display of might against a civilian or raccoon target. In this battle, four ATF agents and six Branch Davidians were killed.
When the safecracker opened the private safe of Trump, the albino raccoon hairpiece that once decorated the balding pate of President Trump was caught by surprise and offered no resistance.
A gift from Vladimir Putin, how was Trump to know that the beady eyes that peered out from under the raccoon’s hair recorded everything the President said or did?
Trump trusted Vladimir like a brother. And he loved his new hairpiece like a son.
It is speculated that an informant told the FBI about the hairpiece that was stored in Trump’s safe: Otherwise, how would they have known?
An unidentified attorney for the Justice Department confronted one of Trump’s attorneys who was on the premises.
Unfolding a search warrant, he stated: “I would like to inform you that we have orders to confiscate this hairpiece under provisions of the Alien and Sedition Acts. Regretfully, we will have to impound the albino raccoon hairpiece and deport it back to Russia. We have evidence the raccoon was wired and sending everything President Trump heard and said back to Vladimir.”
Trump, on being told of this: “You gotta be kidding. I trusted that sum bitch like a son. Can’t believe he would do that to me.”
Dr. Slim: “If you can’t trust a Commie, who can you trust?
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Trump should have downloaded his documents to Hunter’s laptop. The FBI would have never found them.”
