MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - The Lighthouse Press Agency reports that the raid on Trump's estate netted over 7,000 very interesting items ranging from personal computers to Melania's panties.
Reporter Skippy Viperwater spoke with one of the Mar-a-Lago maids who said that the FBI agents found over 700 very personal and very explicit love letters to Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, Josh Hawley, and Hope Hicks in Trump's underwear drawer.
The raiding FBI agents, along with the Green Beret soldiers also took into custody over 150 White House dishes, forks, spoons, knives, and a Keurig Coffee Maker that belong to the White House.
One of the raiding agents made it very clear that Trump could go to jail for six years just for stealing White House kitchen property.
Meanwhile Trump commented to GOPicky Magazine that the White House head cook gave the dishes and the silverware to Melania and NOT TO HIM, so he remarked to go after Melly not him.
