AUSTIN – (Satire News) – The Lone Star state is noted for Longhorn cattle, oil, rattlesnakes, huge ranches, the Chupacabra, and the sensuously sexy Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
BuzzFuzz reporter Taffeta Kixx, noted that that the state is also noted for being one of the biggest beer-consuming states in the entire country.
And for many years, the official state beer has been Lone Star beer. But now, a group of state legislators have gotten together and are pushing for the state to drop Lone Star Beer as the official beer, and replace it with the much more popular Dos Equis Beer.
State Senator Cyrus Pettipecker, 62, [Dem.- Corpus Christi] says that since sales of Dos Equis are triple the sales of Lone Star, it is only fitting that Dos Equis now become the official state beer.
Miss Kixx said that she visited a country and western bar and grill on Austin’s famed 6th Street, and she found that 79% of the patrons favored Dos Equis over Lone Star.
One erotically stunning female patron, who was wearing Daisy Duke short shorts that looked like they had been painted on, said that she had been a devoted Lone Star drinker, but now that she’s tasted Dos Equis, she notes that Lone Star Beer tastes like Javelina sweat.
SIDENOTE: Gov. Greg “Eggplant Face” Abbott said he did not want to change the official state beer, but after a group of good old boys surrounded his wheel chair and threatened to toss his ass into the Gulf of Mexico, the ugly-looking douche bag, shut his fucking mouth mucho pronto, as they say in El Paso.
