AUSTIN – (Satire News) – Back around Christmas time, the Lone Star state of Texas was hit with the worst lady bug infestation since the fall of 1849.
This horrific insect invasion, was dubbed by Tittle Tattle Tonight senior writer Pico de Gallo, as “The Where-The-Hell Did All Of These Damn Lady Bugs Come From Invasion of 2021.”
Gov. Abbott stated that insect experts from as far off as Bangor, Maine, suggested suggestions such as poisoning them with Vis-Alisko, which is a hydrochloric acid derivative.
Another insect eradicating company from Scotland suggested that the little bitty bitches be hypnotized into thinking they were moles and they'd end up burrowing into the ground.
And an upstart company from the state of Yucatan in Mexico, remarked that they should spray them with a type of napalm derivative, called Napafucatinio, which is safe to use around children, the elderly, pets, and even geldings.
SIDENOTE: The Yucatan company was hired and within 26 hours, about 98.3% of the lady bugs were eradicated. Info guru Andy Cohen stated that about 1.4% of the LB’s did manage to escape over the border into Oklahoma.
