HOUSTON – (Sports Satire) – After gunfire erupted at a Washington Nationals – San Diego Padres game, many Major League Baseball teams are stepping up their security measures.
The Houston Astros have just hired former Navy Seal Tiffany Vagaselli to be in charge of the organization’s security program.
The 27-year-old Vagaselli is single, gorgeous, and she has the body of a Playboy bunny.
When she spoke with Sports Balls Illustrated’s Dottie Bazooka, she was asked if she has ever had to shoot anyone.
Tiff, as most of the Astros players, coaches, and hot dog vendors call her, replied that she has actually shot three individuals.
She quickly pointed out that all three survived, even though one now has to have a support Shetand pony.
She commented that one of the other ones now works as a Walmart greeter and the third one has moved to Alaska, where he builds igloos.
SIDENOTE: Tiffany asked Dottie to make it clear that she is not now, nor has she ever dated any of the Astros players.