NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The biggest retailer in the entire world has just informed the news media that effective immediately, all of their front-of-the-store greeters will be equipped with Glock-9 handguns, which they will have in plain view.
The retail giant stated that they are sick and tired of so many dumb, stupid, hate-filled shoppers thinking that they can just assault their employees, including those in their store butcher shops and women's lingerie departments.
A store spokesperson who would only give her initials, (Q.Z.) was asked if their greeters were given training on the proper use of a gun as powerful as the Glock-9.
She replied that all Walmart greeters were shown a 7-minute video that was made by 91-year-old former old west actor Clint Eastwood, where he demonstrated how to load, point, and shoot the Glock-9 properly.
SIDENOTE: Q.Z. wanted the shopping public to rest assured that in most cases, the Walmart greeters will merely fire a warning shot up in the air, before they resort to actually having to shoot a shopper.