TULSA – (Satire News) – The National Rumblings News Agency has just revealed that that one-term president Donald Jonathan Trump has been denied a loan.
NR reporter Traci Diddle, stated that The 1st Stagecoach Bank of Tulsa turned down Trump’s request to borrow $45,000 on grounds of not having the needed collateral.
Miss Diddle remarked that she checked DJT’s private monetary records and they show that he has assets of $17.3 million, but he has outstanding loans that total $9.3 billion.
A bank rep reportedly suggested that the 2020 presidential loser contact a personal friend and get the money from one of them; perhaps Rudy Giuliani, Mitch McConnell, or Jim “The Naked Wrestler” Jordan.
Meanwhile In Other Trump News: A close friend of the Trump family is reporting that Ivanka is extremely upset at the fact that at the age of 39, she has entered "The Change of Life," and is now in a very pronounced menopausal state.