Three Men Arrested For Molesting Three Giant Goldfish

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 10 September 2021

image for Three Men Arrested For Molesting Three Giant Goldfish
(Left to Right) - Homer Stickbush, Carlton Puckski, and Uriah Hoopfox.

WOODPECKER BAY, Florida – (Satire News) – Boom Boom News has revealed that three fishermen from Georgia have been arrested by members of the Woodpecker Bay Police Department.

The three individuals, who work for the Diddling Dixie Sheetrock Company told the authorities that they caught the fish using super huge worms, but they deny that they molested the goldfish, which weighted 347, 361, and 329 pounds.

Homer Stickbush, 49, said that he has never molested anything or anyone in his life, including his overly-aggressive sexy cousin Hanna Bicklix, 41.

Carlton Puckski, 53, stated that his wife Elvira Elmira, 54, won the Miss Woodpecker Bay Sexy Ass Beauty Pageant back in 1987, so he does not need to be fooling around with no humongous goldfish.

Meanwhile, the third member Uriah “Bubba” Hoopfox, 48, simply said that he has no recollection of the huge goldfish, much less of boinking it.

SIDENOTE: A spokesperson for PETA commented that they will not tolerate any fish molestation and the three individuals will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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