PALM BEACH, Florida – - (Satire News) - Reports out of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago mansion state that he is beginning to feel the heat from all of his illegal shenanigans committed throughout the past decades.
iRumors reported that he is so scared about going to prison and getting his GOP butt molested that he has texted Pope Francis asking him to pull some religious strings and help keep him out of prison.
Trump reportedly said that if he does, he will donate $3,000 to the Vatican’s Bingo Fund plus he Melania and Ivanka will convert over to Catholicism.
The pope has reportedly texted him back and told him that he should have thought about all of that when he was poking all of those unwilling women, not paying his contractors, and eating all of those Big Macs that contributed to his now weighing 303 pounds.
Meanwhile Vice-President Kamala Harris has said that she is in the process of updating Trump’s citizen status to one of a 'persona-non-grata.'