CHICAGO – (Satire News) – According to a report put out by the highly reputable news agency BuzzFuzz, the disgraced, one-term president’s 30,000 plus lies are weighing on him so much that it has affected his brain in a most horrible way.
Wyatt St. Yuma with BuzzFuzz remarked that after talking to Melania, Eric, and Kimberly (Guilfoyle), there is no doubt that the Trumptard is going downhill faster than Bill “El Chubster” Barr chasing down a Dunkin' donut.
Even his once alleged boyfriend, Sean Hannity of State TV, commented to fellow Trump ass kisser and the nation’s number one "Butterface," Marjorie Taylor Greene, that Trumpy’s days of being relevant are up.
Hannity noted that he has stopped taking his phone calls because all that the Orange Shithead does is whine about how the election was stolen, how he has become addicted to Big Macs, and how he spends half of his time playing golf and the other half daydreaming about boinking the lasciviously sexy Hope “Hips” Hicks.
Meanwhile, Lara “The Looney Bitch” Trump says that she receives over 1,790 vulgar-as-shit text messages a day, calling her everything from a baboon asshole to a dishwater blonde bundle of pig poop.
In Other News. The government of Belgium wants the world to stop panicking – there is no shortage of Brussels sprouts, it’s just a rumor that was started by a disgruntled employee at The Jolly Green Giant Corporate Office.