PROVIDENCE, Rhode Island – (Satire News) – A well-know pervert, who has been hanging around the downtown area of Providence for years, finally met his match yesterday afternoon.
The perv who is the city’s most prolific flasher was standing on Ives St. in front of Tallulah's Taqueria, when a group of 6 nuns from the Church of Contented Contentment happened to walk by him.
The pervert's flasher instincts kicked in, and he quickly pulled down his Wrangler Jeans and his Fruit of The Loom boxer shorts, and he showed the habit-wearing women his tally whacker.
Five of the sisters screamed out and instantly looked away, but Sister Cleopatrina, who at 76, is extremely feisty, leapt toward the perv, and in the time it takes a flea to sneeze, she bit the flasher’s dingus plum off.
He began screaming and hollering and calling her one sick, messed up lesbionic bitch.
She then lunged at him again, this time latching onto his ball sac with her dentures. By then a policeman showed up and he told Sister Cleopatrina to release the perv’s ball sac.
The angry sister refused, but after the officer showed her his can of pepper spray she complied.
The perv was taken to the nearest 24-hour clinic and five of the six nuns were escorted back to their rectory.
SIDENOTE: The perv has begged the local authorities to please place him in the Witness Protection Program.