MONTGOMERY, Alabama – (Satire News) – The Supreme Court of Alabama ruled by a vote of 9 to 3, that nudity does not constitute nakedness.
State Supreme Court Judge Woodley “Stonewall” Jackson, stated that the 9-year-old case of Maggie Scotchmist vs Dunkin Donuts has finally been litigated, and the ruling is that the donut shop had no business terminating Ms. Scotchmist simply because she decided to make the donuts while topless.
The state court further ruled that she is entitled to all lost wages going back 9 years.
A reporter for Ipso Facto News, contacted the 47-year-old ex-donut maker, and informed her of the ruling. She was totally shocked and immediately asked how much she would be getting in back pay.
Fuchsia Garfunkel, with IFN informed her that she had heard from an executive for the donut giant that her backpay would amount to $187,302.14 plus interest.
Scotchmist fainted, but before she did, she commented that now she can finally have her sagging tits looking as perky as Kim Kardashian’s knockers.
When Maggie came to, she said that the first thing she is going to do is have her damn “I Make Donuts” tattoo, lasered off her right butt cheek.