PRICKLY PEAR, Arizona – (Satire News) – The Arizona Department of Range Rangers is reporting that they have apprehended a group of cactus rustlers, who they had pegged The Thorny Trio.
Captain Omar D. Sindaboodle, with the ADRR said that they were tipped off by a female jogger who was jogging out in the Crazy Rattlesnake Desert in 107 degree weather.
Bonnie Birkenbeeker, 29, who works as a cocktail waitress in Prickly Pear, said she saw the three individuals who were each carrying a shovel and a huge burlap bag.
She asked them what was in the bags. “Sand,” replied one of the threesome.
The stunningly beautiful Miss Birkenbeeker, who looks like she could be Maria Sharapova’s younger sister, said she could clearly see cactus thorns poking out of the burlap bags. She quickly took a photo of all three men and then quickly took off running.
The threesome took off after her, but they gave up after about 25 yards since it was extremely difficult for them to run in steel-toed boots, while carrying a shovel, and a burlap bag full of cactus.
The three men, were apprehended within the hour. They told the Arizona Range Rangers that they were residents of Icy Weeds, Greenland, and they had come to the United States to visit the five Great Lakes.
The trio is currently sitting in a jail cell in their Fruit-of-the-Loom underwear on a $1.4 million bond each.
SIDENOTE: Cactus rustling is a very, very serious offense in Arizona. And in fact back around the 1940’s cactus rustlers could legally be shot on the spot.