NEW ORLEANS – (Satire News) – The New Orleans City Council, with the approval of the Chamber of Commerce, has decided to move this year’s Mardi Gras celebration to Denver, Colorado.
City manager Paxton W. Studsteen stated that the reason is due to the mosquito infestation that has hit the city and ravaged it beyond belief.
Local citizens are comparing it to the problem caused by the Crawfish Attack of 1959, when millions of crawfish invaded the city from the Gulf of Mexico, wreaking havoc, as they destroyed over a dozen businesses, including the infamous Buccaneer Jean Lafitte Whorehouse.
The governor and both U.S. senators from Colorado are thrilled to have the residents of Louisiana visit their fabulous state, where marijuana can be purchased at literally any fast food restaurant in the state.
The governor of Colorado understands that the city of New Orleans had not seen such devastation since the War of 1812, and before that, when it was raided and pillaged, on Halloween night of 1727, by the notorious pirate scourge, Crimsonbeard.
The mayor of Denver noted that he had relatives living in New Orleans, and they texted him telling him about the dastardly, marauding, gunk-carrying mosquitoes from Florida's Okefenokee Swamp.
These mosquitoes, which originally migrated to Florida from Denmark, have been known to suck upwards of two gallons of blood from unsuspecting elderly adults, and toddlers, in a mere 2 minutes.
Meanwhile, the ABC affiliate in Denver has announced that Mardi Gras visitors from the Big Easy will be allowed to take back to Louisiana up to 1.5 pounds of Durango Bango Marijuana.
