NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The president of CNN stated that there is no one on the face of the earth who knows more intimate secrets about President Trump than Michael Cohen.
Cohen knows where all of Trump’s dozens of skeletons are buried, as well as the names of each skeleton.
Many are calling CNN signing Michael Cohen to a seven-figure political consultant contract as a brilliant political move.
CNN’s Don Lemon remarked that if the “Liar-in-Chief” was really as smart as he thinks he is, he would have made sure that Michael Cohen received one of his hundreds of Presidential Pardons.
Trump has doled out PP’s like most people drink water. The latest rumor coming out of the White House is that Trump is considering pardoning son-in-law Jared Kushner, son Eric Trump, Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Hirohito, Mussolini, and Hitler.
Michael Cohen told Rachel Maddow of MSNBC that he is already working on a follow-up book, which he promises will make his first book seem like a Mother Goose book.
