Donald Trump announced today, with Bitsy Devoss by his side, a plan to create nationwide academies funded by Tik Tok, to teach what he claims to be "correct" American History.
"Today, with the help of a Chinese-owned digital giant, we are announcing that a very, very special academy will be built in each state of our great nation, dedicated to teaching the proper and bestest American History."
"We want to teaches the most correctest history this country has ever seen in our schools and with special funding from Tik Tok, we believe it is wthin the reach of my tiny hands....er, I mean the hands of our students. Secretary Devoid, I mean Devos, will now fill in the details. Miss Devout?"
"As a rich heiress from Michigan, I just want to say that I don't know much about American History, but the Chinese owners of TikTok assure me they will help me to learn......umm...what was it? Oh, yes Academies are the answer to destroyi'8ng public schools as we know them, and I will immediately move to divert and match the $50 Billion from TikTok to create these indoctrination...I mean academies."
The news statement was then cut short, as some of President Trump's personnel appeared to accidentally on purpose trip over the wiring to the podium, pulling it all down on top of them.
