EastEnders episodes will be shorter and use CGI on set to compensate for social distancing - unfortunately 20 minutes will still feel like 30 minutes

Funny story written by sean hodgson

Wednesday, 8 July 2020

image for EastEnders episodes will be shorter and use CGI on set to compensate for social distancing - unfortunately 20 minutes will still feel like 30 minutes
Where's my career gone?

The filming of British soap EastEnders will adopt digital technology to meet social distancing requirements. Actor, Jake Woods, said: ‘CGI is amazing. I film my scenes at home sat on the toilet but with CGI it looks I’m in someone else’s home sat on their toilet.’

‘The time distorting elements of CGI are mind blowing,’ added Jake. ‘I play an angry, unhappy person called Max Branning who’s had enough philandering relationships to last a dozen life times, but with CGI, it only feels like 30 minutes.’

Gillian Taylforth, who plays an angry unhappy person called Kathy Beale, said, ‘My character was actually dead for 11 years but with CGI it only feels like 30 minutes.’

‘When we return, we’ll have been off-air for three months,’ said the shows producer, Brenda O’Lox. ‘It seems like a long time, but with CGI, it’ll only feel like 30 minutes.’

Amid the shows budgetary concerns, many stars slink off set with bulging carrier bags. ‘They’re paying us in CGI cash,’ said one unnamed angry and unhappy person. ‘We have to rush to the bank before it evaporates in 30 minutes.’

Will Coronation Street also go CGI? ‘I’ve seen a trailer, and they’ve digitally squashed so much misery, bleakness and degenerate behaviour into one short clip, I felt I aged 30 years in 30 seconds,’ said one unnamed actor that’s been in the show from the start. ‘So no, CGI makes me feel angry and unhappy.’

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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