The Spoof Guide to social distancing

Written by Ben Macnair

Monday, 15 June 2020

image for The Spoof Guide to social distancing
Look out for the anvil....oh too late.

These are very confusing times that we are living in, and it seems that with unnecessary shops opening up, there are a minefield of issues to go through. Here is our easy-to-follow guide:

1) Always give people space. 2 metres is the bare minimum. If you have to shout to make yourselves heard, that is even better.
2) If someone is running away from you, take it as a hint. If it is an ex you haven't seen for years, there is a reason for that. If, before lockdown, they borrowed expensive books or music from you, they have broken it, sold it, or given it to the wrong person. That is an embarrassing conversation for the two of you for another day.
3) When passing people in the street, always offer to step into the road for them, to avoid issues with social distancing. If they are older than you, have children, a nasty tattoo, or look like they are handy in a fight, the risk of walking into the path of an on-coming car is a minimal risk to take.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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