NEW YORK CITY – In a move that caught just about every employee at the Fox Network by surprise, Fox owner, Rupert Murdoch, has announced that Fox will be merging with Comedy Central.
The Baltimore Beacon Star newspaper first broke the news after talking to one of Murdoch’s maids.
Trudy Belinski said that Mr. M. has been wanting to merge with the comedy network ever since Fox News became the laughing stock of the national news media.
Sean Hannity, who is the prince of Fox News, said that he is very upset with the decision, and he may just end up quitting and going back to being a male underwear model.
Judge Jeanine Pirro, who is 68, but looks 78, said that she’ll resign and open up a charm school in the Bronx.
Meanwhile, Tucker Carlson was seen crying uncontrollably in the men’s room.
He was overheard saying, “My luck is lousy. First, I’m born with a micro-penis, then a skunk bites my right ball, and now I am going to have to do news with a comedy twist.”
A spokesperson for Comedy Central said that the one merger stipulation was that Fox would have to fire Laura Ingraham and Greg Gutfeld.
They said that Ingraham just has too much of a 'freaky eyes' look about her, and Gutfeld is, perhaps, the most conceited, arrogant, self-centered jerk since Andrew Dice-Clay.